Resident Evil: Group Thearpy
by Foxfire
Summary: Resident Evil cast members have some healing to do...... Paraody, please R


disclaimer: We don't own anything that has to do with Resident Evil, don't sue, we sick. no moolah  
  
  
  
  
Resident Evil: Group Thearpy  
By Foxfire and Eric Draven  
  
  
Sign up sheet:  
Leon Kennedy  
Claire Redfield  
Steve (monster) Burnside  
Alfred Ashford  
Alexia Ashford  
Alexander Ashford  
Zombie  
Hunter  
Jill V.  
Nemesis  
A. Wesker  
  
Resident Therapists: Mr. Jon Dough Mrs. Jayne Dough  
  
Today's session: Coping with our feelings  
  
GROUP THERAPY ROOM - DAY  
  
MR. DOUGH  
Let me start by thanking you all for being here. I know how hard it is to let it all out.  
  
ALFRED  
It's a sham!  
  
ALEXIA  
Shut the hell up Alfred! You're embrassing me!  
  
ALEXANDER  
(MUFFELED) All you kids shut up... Ohhh, if I could see you....  
  
MR. DOUGH  
Now, Now Alexander... There's no need for that.  
  
ALEXANDER  
(MUFFELED) Easy for you to say, you little son of a bitch!  
  
ALEXIA  
Shut up Daddy! God, all you do is ruin everything!!  
  
Alexia puts her hands over her ears  
  
WESKER  
Shut up you inbred retards!  
  
ALFRED  
Hey--  
  
MRS. DOUGH  
Alfred! Wesker... Please, this isn't helping.  
  
WESKER  
Sure it is.  
  
LEON  
Could we start now please?  
  
MR. DOUGH  
Of course, let's start with you, Leon.  
  
LEON  
M'kay....  
  
Several minutes go by...  
  
MR. DOUGH  
Leon..?  
  
LEON  
Oh, oh sorry. I've lost my train of thought  
  
Leon watches ZOMBIE  
  
ZOMBIE  
Whadda you staring at? Freak!  
  
Leon quickly glances at the floor  
  
MRS. DOUGH  
Zombie please, we don't need that  
  
ZOMBIE  
Well he wasn't staring at you!  
  
Zombie glares at Leon  
  
LEON  
Ok, um well. It all started, when I was born. I was born with both male and female sex organs  
  
Wesker snickers  
  
LEON  
Hey shut up!  
  
MR. DOUGH  
Please, go on Leon  
  
LEON  
Ok well, my parents decided to raise me as both... They would dress me as a boy one day and a girl the next. Pretty normal childhood. Um, alot of teasing, mostly verbal. Calling me... 'girl-boy'...  
  
Room breaks into laughter  
  
LEON  
Stop laughing at me! It's all starting again!  
  
Leon holds his/her head in his/her hands  
  
MR. DOUGH  
Stop it everyone, Leon has feelings too.  
  
HUNTER  
Ugh-arr grr hiisss ughrh!  
  
MR. DOUGH  
Hunter, that's not funny  
  
HUNTER  
oohh, grr...  
  
LEON  
....High School was... different....starting dressing myself as a male.. mostly. After High School I went to college.. where I went... temporarily insane, if you will..... I killed several of my fellow students. But of course there was no evidence so I, heh, got off scot free!  
  
Everyone nervously glances around  
  
LEON  
Heh, anyway...After college, I got a job as a police officer in Raccoon City. My first day on the job, I discovered.. The zombies.  
  
Zombie narrows his eyes  
  
LEON  
Oh the zombies. They were mostly men. Hardly any women zombies  
  
Zombie sadly nods his head  
  
LEON  
Couldn't... stop staring at them. Smelling them.. Even touching them.  
  
ZOMBIE  
eh?  
  
ALEXIA  
Freak...  
  
STEVE  
...sick bastard...  
  
LEON  
um, anyway. That's were my obession started. I would tie them up and, make them do obscene things.. I don't regret what I did.  
  
MR. DOUGH  
Ok! Let's move on, Leon... Thanks for sharing...  
  
LEON  
No problem  
  
MR. DOUGH  
Can I can a volenteer to share their story? Anyone?  
  
Mr. Dough glances around  
  
Steve raises his claw from the opposite side of the circle from Leon.  
  
STEVE  
I'll go  
  
Claire rolls her eyes  
  
STEVE  
My father and I.. That was when I was still.. normal. Were captured and taken to Rockfort Island.. Home of... those two freaks right there!  
  
Steve points his talon at the Ashfords  
  
ALFRED  
Look whos talking!  
  
STEVE  
Thanks to you!  
  
ALEXIA  
Shut up Alfred!  
  
STEVE  
I got out of my cell after the zombies...  
  
LEON  
What about Zombies?  
  
MRS. DOUGH  
Leon please, It's Steve's turn... go on Steve..  
  
Zombie glares at Leon  
  
STEVE  
That's when I.. first saw Claire  
  
CLAIRE  
Oh, geez...  
  
STEVE  
Don't fight it Claire, I know you have feelings for me. At least you did, when I was human... It's all about looks with you Claire, I didn't know you were so shallow...  
  
CLAIRE  
Oh, please I never liked you! Your the one who kept staring at me! Think I didn't see you?!  
  
STEVE  
I don't know what your talking about  
  
CLAIRE  
Sure Steve... loser...  
  
STEVE  
Stop denying our passion!  
  
CLAIRE  
What passion? Did I give you the wrong idea some time out there? Because if I did it must have been in your head.  
  
STEVE  
Sure, Claire  
  
Hunter starts gnawing at Zombie's arm  
  
ZOMBIE  
Get him off me!  
  
LEON  
I'll save you!  
  
Leon lunges at Hunter to no affect  
  
ZOMBIE  
Hell no, I'll take my chances with Hunter!  
  
MRS. DOUGH  
Leon take your seat.. Hunter, stop eating Zombie!  
  
HUNTER  
Ohh, urhsgrrr  
  
Hunter lets go  
  
ALEXANDER  
(MUFFELED) yeah thats what they all say.... They all say urhsgrrr  
  
Alexia rolls her eyes  
  
ALEXIA  
God, Daddy shut the hell up! I wish I could tie that blindfold around your mouth!  
  
Alexia reaches over and tugs on his blindfold  
  
ALEXANDER  
Get your hands off me gutterslut!  
  
Alexia sits back down crying. Steve strokes Claire's hair, Claire repeatedly pulls his hands away.  
  
CLAIRE  
Cut that out! God, stop touching me!  
  
STEVE  
You know you like it  
  
MR. DOUGH  
Alfred, would you like to share why you are here?  
  
ALFRED  
No.  
  
MR. DOUGH  
Come on Alfred, don't be shy, we are all friends here.  
  
ALFRED  
I just drove Alexia and Alexander here, I have nothing to do with this, you trapped me in!  
  
MRS. DOUGH  
Nobody trapped you here Alfred, you can leave whenever you want.  
  
ALFRED  
Then why are the doors bolted?!  
  
MR. DOUGH  
They aren't... Anyway.  
  
ALFRED  
Don't toy with me Dough, I know they are!  
  
ALEXIA  
Alfred sit down!  
  
Zombie suddenly gets up and grabs Wesker's sunglasses, trying to get away he falls down.  
  
WESKER  
Nice try Zombie!  
  
Wesker laughs sinisterly and kicks Zombie in the butt  
  
ZOMBIE  
ahh!! owww...  
  
Wesker grabs his glasses  
  
LEON  
Don't worry Zombie, let me give you a good rub down  
  
ZOMBIE  
Don't touch me! I'll get through this meeting without you touching me!  
  
Zombie struggles and gets up, taking his chair  
  
NEMESIS  
(GARBLED) Stars.....  
  
Jill punches Nemesis in the arm.  
  
NEMESIS  
(GARBLED) Oooowwww...  
  
MR. DOUGH  
Please Jill, there is no need for violence  
  
WESKER  
Glad I'm not with the S.T.A.R.S.  
  
JILL  
Shut up!  
  
WESKER  
You know you want me.  
  
JILL  
In your dreams, moron!  
  
WESKER  
We'll see about that...  
  
Jill looks disgusted.  
  
MR. DOUGH  
Nemesis, did you have something to say?  
  
NEMESIS  
(GARBLED)Stars....  
  
MR. DOUGH  
Mmm. Okay. Who's next?  
  
NEMESIS  
(GARBLED)Arrrgghh!  
  
Nemesis points to himself.  
  
MR. DOUGH  
Ok, sorry about that. Please Nemesis go on...  
  
NEMESIS  
(GARBLED) Arrghh, urgh stars .. Aghrrr Ughhh stars. stars brasugh arrrhun  
  
Hunter listens intently.  
  
JILL  
Wankers...  
  
NEMESIS  
Arrhh grr!  
  
Nemesis pushes Jill to the ground  
  
JILL  
Hey! Freak!  
  
Hunter jumps on Zombie  
  
ZOMBIE  
Ahhhh!!!  
  
Hunter rips Zombie's arm off  
  
ZOMBIE  
My arm! Give it back! I need it!  
  
LEON  
Yeah you do baby...  
  
ZOMBIE  
Fine, keep it!  
  
Zombie sits back down, so does Hunter. Hunter gnaws at his new toy. Jill gets back up and pushes Nemesis back.  
  
NEMESIS  
(GARBLED) Stars!  
  
Nemesis falls to the ground  
  
MRS. DOUGH  
Stop! Jill, Nemesis! This is a group for healing!  
  
JILL  
He started it!  
  
NEMESIS  
(GARBLED SOFTLY) Bitch  
  
Mrs. Dough looks at Wesker  
  
MRS. DOUGH  
Wesker, would you like to share with the group?  
  
Wesker sits silently  
  
MR. DOUGH  
Wesker?... hello?  
  
Hunter pokes at Wesker with Zombie's arm. Nothing happens  
  
MRS. DOUGH  
Wesker!?  
  
WESKER  
Huh? what?  
  
MR. DOUGH  
You were sleeping?  
  
Wesker lowers his glasses and winks at Jill.  
  
WESKER  
Yeah I was!  
  
Jill shudders. Steve pets Claire's head.  
  
CLAIRE  
Stop it!  
  
ALFRED  
That's it, I'm leaving. It's getting too werid.  
  
ALEXANDER  
(MUFFELED) Son of a bitch!  
  
ALFRED  
I have no mom! I'm a test tube baby!!  
  
ALEXANDER  
(MUFFELED) I could kill you with my thumbs....  
  
ALFRED  
Sure, old man.  
  
Alexia jumps up, bumping into Hunter.  
  
ALEXIA  
Stop fighting you fools!  
  
Hunter jumps up, startled, and cowers to the corner of the room.  
  
CLAIRE  
All of you stop it! Look what your doing to Hunter!  
  
Hunter whines and starts whimpering.  
  
WESKER  
Baby..  
  
MR. DOUGH  
Let's all take a break. Please, help yourself to coffee and cake. The next session will start in 15 mintues.  
  
Nemesis runs to the snack table and engorges itself with the cake.  
  
WESKER  
That guys' got issues.  
  
  
END PART 1  
  
  
  



End file.
